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Scorpionical
Member
4596 Posts |
 Posted - 02 Nov 2009 : 8:41:33 PM
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| How do you hande conflict? What happens to you in conflictual situations? From any situation where discomfort results? |
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.ron4
Member
9126 Posts |
Posted - 02 Nov 2009 : 9:13:27 PM
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be objective.
walk.
fight.
love.
be objective.
ron. |
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Scorpionical
Member
4596 Posts |
Posted - 02 Nov 2009 : 9:15:23 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by .ron4
be objective.
walk.
fight.
love.
be objective.
ron.
Thats your fantasy or how you really handle conflictual situations dotron? |
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.ron4
Member
9126 Posts |
Posted - 02 Nov 2009 : 9:33:49 PM
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Scorpio,
These are real ways I have reacted in my past and present.
Now I always walk in most cases or remember to be objective.
My feelings can still be hurt but I have learned to not let
it build in me or dwell on my feelings or think about it for
more than a few minutes or seconds. I have found that I don't
feel bad for letting things go or to not even think of them.
Most if not always it's not personal when it happens.
I try to be aware enough to not get myself in situations
these days. You will eventually get tired of your pain from
these situations and learn what to do , or not.
.ron4
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Scorpionical
Member
4596 Posts |
Posted - 02 Nov 2009 : 9:37:01 PM
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quote:
but I have learned to not let
it build in me or dwell on my feelings or think about it for
more than a few minutes or seconds
Ron can you remember for me how you reacted before finding a key that helped you deal with conflict? For example I shake, I shake uncontrollably. I cant even name what I am afraid of but I cannot stop the shaking |
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shakti
Member
USA
7845 Posts |
Posted - 02 Nov 2009 : 10:00:10 PM
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| Scorpionical, I don't know what your shaking is about. But, I do know a few things that may be relevant: 1) you seem highly emotional to me, and there can be release of kundalini energy which can make for an intense body experience 2) if you allow yourself to shake (rather than resist it) you may get to what is below it...there's a possibility of it being a lack of (and the presence) of a form of loving support 3) practicing grounding can make a big difference...from your feet...from your root chakra 4) sometimes shaking in the legs can happen before earth energy begins flowing in. |
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.ron4
Member
9126 Posts |
Posted - 02 Nov 2009 : 10:06:06 PM
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Well I don't want to bore anyone with my story but
it seems I will. When I was growing up, I got into
fights in school, you know boys will be boys.
Not much thinking going on in those situation then.
When I was 25, same thing not much thinking, just
reacting to insults or being challenged.
Later in life I would rerun the whole thing in my
head over and over with hate in my heart. I became
afraid and selfconscious and afraid of humiliation.
I would go down and be depressed. I never hurt anyone
other than up front though.
Maybe you could set up a scenario for me.
ron
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shakti
Member
USA
7845 Posts |
Posted - 02 Nov 2009 : 10:18:14 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Scorpionical
How do you hande conflict?
It depends on my assessment of the situation and to what degree I am triggered. Often conflict is not a big deal and I can use reason and emotion to work to resolve the matter or keep the conversation open to get to the root of the issue. It's especially not a big deal when I fundamentallly feel good about the connection with the other person. However, if the relationship feels unstable (or toxic) and conflict causes my body to go into huge fear (even if the situation is not violent in some way) then I have a compulsive need to withdraw. This makes it feel like I've dropped into a more primitive fight/flight (with flight being the favored approach) yet circumstances may not allow for that. To have to stay and work it out is non-trivial. I don't have a template for this, except to know in my case, that often it takes real boundary setting and knowing that the relationship has severe limitations. It may resolve over time, but for right now, it is what it is. In these situations, one common thread for me, is that the person wants/needs to use me in some particular way to take care of some issue/deep need that they have - that they may not be necessarily conscious of...and that I may only have a body-level clue about it from my own triggering...but no words to put to it...except for knowing it is something at a primal level. |
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~lee~
Member
USA
7144 Posts |
Posted - 02 Nov 2009 : 11:16:22 PM
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I'm not sure I'm objective about how I handle conflict--meaning that how I think I handle it might not be how I actually do handle it.
This said....it depends on what the conflict is about and with whom I'm having it. If it's over what I'd call "small stuff" I usually just deal with it as it arises. Choices being to state my position in hopes of facilitating some desired outcome, or accomodate to the situation or escape from it. I've learned over time that avoidance or resentment/complaining aren't helpful responses. So....nobody has ever suggested I take a course in assertiveness training :) Small stuff includes disagreements at work about what data mean, or what course of action should be taken, or behaviors that annoy me. Like today, I finally said to my boss, "You know, I realize that you're impatient but it bugs me that you won't let me get out a single sentence before interrupting me." (This is behavior I typically just accomodate in person and deal with by sending him emails that lay out the information I'm failing to give him because he won't listen. but every once in awhile....!!!)
It's the big stuff that I have a problem with, and where I'm more likely to avoid addressing it or leave the situation. People I have emotional connections with whose chronic behavior is problematic to me. Like, for example, my mother. Sometimes in a situation like this I just freeze. I never learned how to fight. Argue, yeah, but not really fight, where emotions come out in a big but potentially healing or clarifying way. I'm not adept at translating emotions into explanations that can be conveyed with compassion. (I can do this if I'm NOT emotional, but if I'm really emotional I freeze, being overwhelmed by the get-me-out-of-here urge.
If somebody thinks or proves that I'm wrong about something, this usually doesn't bother me, I'm okay with being wrong, unless it's a screwup that has hurt somebody in some way. Then I feel bad and will do what I can to fix the situation.
For sure, I would rather that someone who has a conflict with me come to me face-to-face and lay it out rather than complain behind my back. So, that's how I usually treat people--I try to address stuff directly and work it out, or come to a joint realization that we can't work it out. |
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faultyideal
Member
USA
94 Posts |
Posted - 02 Nov 2009 : 11:25:16 PM
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depends on who initiates the conflict
escalation of my annoyance towards someone leads to this chain reaction:
huffing-sarcasm-grumpiness-ending communication-strange outbursts-reacting to the slightest of slights against me-saying something that completely destroys any chance in my mind of the relationship being salvaged-me leaving in disgust-finding a quiet place-thinkingthinkingthinking-hurting-fearing that i lost someone who meant so much to me-then awkward attempts to apologize/reach understanding with the person
if someone else starts the conflict, i put up a sort of a poker face i guess you would call it. inside i can't understand where they're coming from, no reaction at first. then a tidal wave of bad feelings behind my poker face, which slowly gets holes bursting through it. this all may lead to the aforementioned chain reaction, or trying to come to terms with the person/understand what they're saying
this probably doesn't help much, just thought i'd mention it haha
INFP 4w5 sp/sx? |
Edited by - faultyideal on 02 Nov 2009 11:28:58 PM |
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faultyideal
Member
USA
94 Posts |
Posted - 02 Nov 2009 : 11:28:17 PM
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also, i'm wondering if this post comes after some sort of conflict you just had?
or are you just interested in general?
INFP 4w5 sp/sx? |
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Classi
Member
331 Posts |
Posted - 03 Nov 2009 : 04:44:48 AM
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quote:
For example I shake, I shake uncontrollably. I cant even name what I am afraid of but I cannot stop the shaking
I do this, I think it's because I want to express the anger, but I'm afraid of the consequences of doing so. Like, trying to hold it back but can't. Seems almost like etype 9 energy maybe.
quote:
When I was 25, same thing not much thinking, just
reacting to insults or being challenged.
Eerily sounds like how I am now. I'm just a big reactive angry thing that wants to be left alone but who puts on a front when I do want company. People are always wanting things from you that you can't give so they get mad and so you get mad back 
or if they belittle me to feel better about themselves, the thought that they would want to do that makes me want to smack them. 
I'm not perfect, but I do think people could have been nicer to me in my life, I dunno, and I usually find that the people who have been dishing it can never take it, which makes me want to laugh at them, but not really .
I just wish things didn't bother me so much.
You must tire of hearing all this teen angst, although at twenty years that excuse is leaving me quickly
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Edited by - Classi on 03 Nov 2009 04:53:49 AM |
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Art_Skidmore
Member
13305 Posts |
Posted - 03 Nov 2009 : 05:11:24 AM
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....become the two variant thing that deals with conflict....for example....frustration with those who vomit their unhealthy healthy stuff all over you.
this two variant thing of mine describes em as things like turkey chickens or gang farts...LOL....its funny how accurate those description have become.
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baba
Member
1132 Posts |
Posted - 03 Nov 2009 : 09:00:50 AM
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How do you hande conflict?
Communication.. that's it..
A parent must also not be afraid to hang himself. |
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Scorpionical
Member
4596 Posts |
Posted - 03 Nov 2009 : 3:32:50 PM
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quote:
also, i'm wondering if this post comes after some sort of conflict you just had?
or are you just interested in general?
INFP 4w5 sp/sx?
I was talking with someone and that person became uncomfortable, and I saw her hands shaking really badly, even though It was not a confrontational situation. It made me think of all of the times I have had that experience, and I started wondering about some things written in the back of The Wisdom book.
quote:
Originally posted by shakti
Scorpionical, I don't know what your shaking is about. But, I do know a few things that may be relevant: 1) you seem highly emotional to me, and there can be release of kundalini energy which can make for an intense body experience 2) if you allow yourself to shake (rather than resist it) you may get to what is below it...there's a possibility of it being a lack of (and the presence) of a form of loving support 3) practicing grounding can make a big difference...from your feet...from your root chakra 4) sometimes shaking in the legs can happen before earth energy begins flowing in.
I've talked with family members about only the shaking, My niece who is a 2w3 says she feels that way but she controls it (which I can't fathom how), my daughter says she cannot and she is 5w4, my son says he cannot and he is type 8w9.I would not have thought that with him though because I have never seen him physically shake.He knows what it is though that is for sure.
Last year I had to take him to the doctors and have blood work done. The nurse screwed up his needle and it sprayed blood and he was really scared. He slumped down and became totally despondent.Like he abandoned his body. He did not cry or shake. |
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Scorpionical
Member
4596 Posts |
Posted - 03 Nov 2009 : 3:45:14 PM
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quote:
Well I don't want to bore anyone with my story but
it seems I will. When I was growing up, I got into
fights in school, you know boys will be boys.
Not much thinking going on in those situation then.
When I was 25, same thing not much thinking, just
reacting to insults or being challenged.
Later in life I would rerun the whole thing in my
head over and over with hate in my heart. I became
afraid and selfconscious and afraid of humiliation.
I would go down and be depressed. I never hurt anyone
other than up front though.
Maybe you could set up a scenario for me.
ron
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Sounds to me you might know what it feels like in your body to have conflict that is overwhelming you. I know prior to reacting enormously to school situations the shaking would start. That is how I knew to get the hell out before I melted down. |
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.ron4
Member
9126 Posts |
Posted - 04 Nov 2009 : 03:31:21 AM
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Scorpio,
Some conflicts are just disagreements like with politics or religion
and it feels like part of your identity/values have been discredited.
It may question your validity or worth or intellect.
These type situation have helped me see my ego and have taught me
that I can let go for the moment and not feel that ego pain of
attachment to things that don't really matter for my growth and
health of self.
It doesn't feel right at first and it's not easy to do when it feels
like it might be personal especially if you are a sensitive type but
it will get easier.
ron
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Desdemona
Member
USA
10419 Posts |
Posted - 04 Nov 2009 : 5:31:54 PM
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Scorp, I shake as well, but it's when I feel emotionally overwhelmed. The emotion doesn't have to be fear, but anything that's too strong for me to process, I guess. My 7w6 s.o. is the same way. Maybe it's a head-type thing, since we're all mostly [blocked due to guideline #4 violation] at dealing with our emotions.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.' The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick! Then they all started shouting '14....14....14…....
7w6 cp Sx/sp
ENFP
Dramatic/Mercurial/Adventurous/Idiosyncratic Style
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Crooner
Member
USA
3667 Posts |
Posted - 04 Nov 2009 : 6:20:04 PM
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Oddly enough, when people become aggressive
and confrontational, I often relax and feel more
in my own element.
Being socially-challenged, I am most anxious in
situations where people are polite to one another
and are expected to make polite conversation.
I detest cocktail parties with strangers.
In a confrontation, my basic strategy is to be as
solid and unyielding as a rock. The flavor of my
presence and energy would not be like that of an
Eightish bull-in-a-china-shop. Nor would I be like
the CP Six who froths at the mouth like a rabid dog.
My energy is more like a volcano issuing a steady
flow of lava... until someone is foolhardy enough
to invite an eruption. The message in my eyes,
if put to words, would be along the lines of:
"This will end with one of us in a body bag.”
From a spiritual perspective, it is just an energy
that arises in the space of awareness. The energy
is neither good nor bad. It just is.
The way that I'm inclined to hold back the energy
and demonstrate patience may seem Oneish. But I
don't condemn or judge myself for having the energy.
There is no Oneish self-reproach.
Crooner |
Edited by - Crooner on 05 Nov 2009 01:14:27 AM |
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Scorpionical
Member
4596 Posts |
Posted - 04 Nov 2009 : 6:46:08 PM
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Thats what I was thinking of when Kundalini was mentioned.
It's primal energy and is dangerous imo. tribal scalping. |
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radical_ed
Member
1314 Posts |
Posted - 04 Nov 2009 : 8:44:56 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Scorpionical
How do you hande conflict? What happens to you in conflictual situations? From any situation where discomfort results?
Face it. Deal with it. Move on.
__
Radical Edward
sx/sp 7w8 ENTP
Why the hell not? |
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Topic |
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Types and conflict
