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shakti
Member
USA
10720 Posts |
 Posted - 30 Jun 2012 : 12:06:54 AM
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| Congrats! |
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Lake
Member
7215 Posts |
Posted - 30 Jun 2012 : 02:52:57 AM
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| thank you! |
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Crooner
Member
USA
5566 Posts |
Posted - 30 Jun 2012 : 8:25:07 PM
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Very cool, Lake!
Congratulations!
Crooner
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Lake
Member
7215 Posts |
Posted - 30 Jun 2012 : 9:09:18 PM
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| Aw, thanks :) |
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Cytokine
Member
10134 Posts |
Posted - 01 Jul 2012 : 7:08:36 PM
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Here's another example of how Greenpeace are annoying. They're stating that the decision to re-activate Oi nuclear power plant ignores the voice of local people -- whereas reliable sources on the ground report to the contrary -- although residents are somewhat anxious, they are happy with the restart of the nuclear plant and are willing to co-exist with it.
In other words, Greenpeace, again, have pulled it right out of their ass.
Tokyo- (PanOrient News) Greenpeace Japan today criticized the Oi local council's decision to restart the Oi nuclear power plant in Fukui Prefecture, and called on the Japanese government to offer "safe alternatives" instead.
Greenpeace Campaign Manager Wakao Hanaoka said in a statement, "The Oi local council's decision to allow the rushed restart of the Oi nuclear power plant ignores the voice of its people, goes against expert advice, and shows that industry interests are still being favoured over the health and safety of communities".
http://www.panorientnews.com/en/news.php?k=1744
However, a report from the town of Oi claims:
"Local governments and residents responded with a mixture of happiness and anxiety after the government officially decided Saturday to reactivate reactors Nos. 3 and 4 at Kansai Electric Power Co.'s Oi nuclear power plant.
'The government should restart the reactors as quickly as possible on its own responsibility,' a local official said."
Other towns are also eager to have their nuclear power plants restarted:
"'Mayor Yasuo Echizen of Higashidori, Aomori Prefecture, a village that is home to Tohoku Electric Power Co.'s Higashidori nuclear power plant, expressed his hope that the decision to reactivate the Oi plant will support the reactivation of reactors at the Higashidori plant.
'I want the government to allow the nuclear plant in our village to restart after improvements like those at the Oi plant are made,' he said.
Yusaku Nihonyanagi, 65, head of the village's chamber of commerce and industry, said, 'Our village has coexisted with the nuclear power plant for many years.'"
http://www.yomiuri.co.jp/dy/national/T120616002837.htm
1w9 sp/sx Obsessive Compulsive
"Corpus omne perseverare in statu suo quiescendi vel movendi uniformiter in directum, nisi quatenus a viribus impressis cogitur statum illum mutare."
Isaacus Newtonus |
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Cytokine
Member
10134 Posts |
Posted - 02 Jul 2012 : 12:26:06 AM
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The outcome of Fukushima incident?
It is now known that the Fukushima accident resulted in no acute fatalities, no acute injuries, no extended hospitalizations due to radiation and unlikely cancer fatalities in 50 years. (Source)
Yet many environmental organizations continue to to report false information about the incident. It's like they're being dishonest to create fear in the public, in order to increase donations or whatever other goal they might have.
1w9 sp/sx Obsessive Compulsive
"Corpus omne perseverare in statu suo quiescendi vel movendi uniformiter in directum, nisi quatenus a viribus impressis cogitur statum illum mutare."
Isaacus Newtonus |
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lovemyth
Member
USA
3112 Posts |
Posted - 02 Jul 2012 : 9:00:06 PM
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urgh. i've already done it, why haven't you?
i can;t help it, and maybe it make me look bad- but i completely look down on these people.
now- i grew up with dysfunctional people- and i know better than to entwine my life with theirs. i know the appropriate emotional distance. i know how to handle it. why don't you.
i have no sympathy
and now more 50 shades [blocked]. WHY. how old are you already? how long does it take you to come to terms with your sexuality (barring of course serious issues)? for [blocked]s sake.
it's rude and necessarily stupid. everyone works at their own pace, has their own [blocked] to work through and [blocked]ing hell that was me- not exactly- but close enough not that long ago. why do i have to be such a a [blocked] about it? why do i have this crazy aggression coming out.
i HATE HATE HATE seeing myself. i hate seeing my old self. i hate seeing who i was BEFORE.
becuase i hate my old versions of me. and maybe i'm contsantly running from hating myself. becuase there is always something stupid and wrong. YOU ARE STUPID AND WRONG.
guy dating some crazy[blocked][blocked]ing prostitute- that is doing things that could fill a book. completly emotionally entwined. STOP IT. i thought at first let you go through it- i respected you enough to think you were strong enough to pass through. most people are. most people i have known are anyhow. but your hooked like a [blocked]ing sucker. she is insane and crossed so many boundaries that should never be crossed.
calling your mom- who she doesn;t even know?- to say shout at her about an abortion? breaks into your house and destroys the machine that is your livelihood? don;t you have even an ounce of self respect!?
red flag- she has a temper tantrum and that is more important than her young daughters birthday. you told me that story and i thought RUN.
and you insult us, your friends, your supporters, your family -all the people who haven;t totally [blocked]ed you in the[blocked]with a spiked dildo- by bringing that crazy botch around?
you are like a beaten wife and it makes me sick. have a [blocked]ing spine have some self respect.
my bestie she has her issues- and she's come in contact with some unsavory character and felt love and all that [blocked]- BUT SHE'S NOT STUPID.
she had her bups and took her lumps. but in those moments she had her character to rely on. and it shone.
and you know what? that crazy [blocked] thinks you are stupid. she knows she can push you becuase you don;t respect yourself. most people WILL NOT stand for that. but you do. you keep running back like a fool. and you think she will change. she won't. she'll keep emailing your friends terrible things and she will keep ruling you. because you let her. the only thing she will understand is losing you.
if you are lucky and you want her to not be crazy- the only thing she will understand is absolute repercussions to her actions.
you stupid enabling bastard. just stop.
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"If you’re going through hell, keep going" |
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lovemyth
Member
USA
3112 Posts |
Posted - 02 Jul 2012 : 9:23:00 PM
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but ps i was never so sniving. so [blocked]ing weak. the best i could recall it was as a young child towards my father.
and what child doesn;t want their father to love them, to respect them?
but i was a a freaking kid. and even then i was saying we should leave.
BECAUSE IT WASN'T RIGHT.
being treated as such WASN;T RIGHT AT ALL. and never is.
and if my mother hadn;t been so scared and weak maybe we could have gotten away. i was completely willing to live in total poverty to get away from him.
i always wonder why weren't you, moms.
she is a dependent person by nature and overly forgiving. she doesn't respect herself enough to HAVE any demand of anyone in how they interact with her.
both me and my bro were sacrificed to that weakness of hers. unfortunately.
i learned to interact in the same way. lacking much boundaries or care- and i still struggle with the necessary attention it takes to have a healthy emotional relationship with someone.
i'm ok. not great but ok. i still tend towards selfishness and ignorance in relation to my SO. it seems a bother to care or even really usually note his emotional state. not because i don;t care. but because i am so used to concentrating on myself. it's a concious habit that i would need to develop. which i am a little bit.
but i get so frustrated when he's not where i want him to be. my needs necessarily superceed his.
but i will say he is one of the strongest men i have ever known. he can manage me- which very few men- okay no men so far- could ever seem to balance. respecting himself while also respecting me.
i push bad. i could- in a parallel world have been crazy prostitute. not really. well maybe. i was pretty bad at one point.
i react and i'm also a big [blocked]. he manages to stand up for himself without setting me off in the other direction.
i also have a lot of growth that occurred but it also takes a certain touch, even still to get anywhere with me.
but folding won;t do. folding just means i can do more. folding means i can be meaner and more selfish.
in the end what is it i want? i'm here becuase of you if i am really there. the loss of you is the only thing i can understand that i've gone too far.
a dramatic bull[blocked] i'm leaving isn;t going to do it. you'll come back or you'll set my defenses off so that i refuse to be with you not mattter.
he's special. he stands.
i'm better. and lucky
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"If you’re going through hell, keep going" |
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lovemyth
Member
USA
3112 Posts |
Posted - 02 Jul 2012 : 10:10:24 PM
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"i hate seeing who i was BEFORE."
who i was before? or could be?
i can sense the feeling there. i can sense what is there behind it. and i see what i have done to get around it.
i see what i have avoided.
because i have never been weak. i like to think and i think my life has proven- that i have a strong character that can handle much of anything.
but i have felt what it means to go that way. to give in.
i know what it it is to to feel the shame coming up from your own body and sexuality- and have felt the pull of that.
but i've gotten around it. i've always gotten around it.
soon maybe i will understand what it means to get around from the awkwardness of yourself. and then maybe i will condemn everyone who is awkward and not living up to their totality.
i'm already condemning myself. too late i think.
idk maybe there will be no more line of possibles that never were- that i see coming into fruition in others that pisses me off.
i wish i did more with my youth, naivete and passion.
i lack passion now a days.
it was so annoying that glasgow found me a victim. i have never been a victim in my life- and i would never allow it- as far as i ever could. i always hold my choice. i deny a sway, i hold my own in a situation. i've been through some crazy crap. i can size up where i need to be in relation- and can get what i want while avoiding as much harm as possible.
have i been in some unhealthy situations? yeah- well look where i am coming from. some of them have actually been conscious play through. half and half. i won;t let my physic desires for replay own me. i owned them. i knew i was running though and i kept a part of me away from it.
at other times i thought i was bigger than the damage that could occur. thinking i could come through unscathed. i've become very talented in playing in my pysch mess.
i do think you need to go through. i don;t think there is such a thing as skipping over your old mess. i think you do it. and you get through it.
and go full force.
if you are going to have a period of self destruction- then you go full throttle. get it out of your system. go to a point that you realize why you don;t want to be there. but know you'll live. go through to the other side.
you don;t actually kill yourself. becuase if you are going to kill yourself- then you do. you don;t play in some silly drama of self destruction. you shoot yourself in the face.
but if you want to be born anew. maybe self destruction is the way to go. kiss death on the mouth- but don;t let it [blocked] you.
i've alwasy had my handle. i knew when to leave. i knew when things were to bad. i actually have standards even though i might play in some muck- to experience life.
becuase it is life. strife and pain and bull[blocked]. and you feel alive then- in the middle of it- at least if you aren;t prey to it i imagine.
i don;t understand people who are prey to it. i understand abandon. maybe i don;t understand it the point that it would make it a function of preditation.
i don;t lose to life. i meet it. and we dance and drink champagne.
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"If you’re going through hell, keep going" |
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lovemyth
Member
USA
3112 Posts |
Posted - 03 Jul 2012 : 02:59:46 AM
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all i can think about is suicide.
i'm not even depressed in any traditional way. i have energy. i'm excersizing which is good for my mood and energy. i'm eating well. i'm mostly feeeling fairly content and normal.
but i have bad drops into gross self hatred. reprimand. accusation. the words i can;t think of at the moment that are better than either.
i have no way to go. for all the energy i might have it goes into a black hole. its meaningless. it's perpetuation.
i just want to stop.
i's not even a matter it seems of feeling. i don;t have any intense soul pain or anything. nothing tearing at me.
maybe that is the problem. i need to tear. but still. i have everything i want really.
everything i have wanted materially anyhow save for the house.
but the house is only there because living with one would be easier to continue. and that's all perpetuation.
i don;t really want to live anymore. i don;t like it. sometimes i find it gross. repulsive to me.
i wonder if if this is it. but i've been wondering for half my life if it were. and it never has been. just a terrible dip in mind and spirit.
bu i wonder. if all that dipping hasn;t made me into something. that could. or would anyhow.
where does depression and depressing thoughts begin?
what is felt and what is world view?
despite my temporary drops i still think it is my mind that is the engine of this.
becuase as i said. i feel pretty good. better than i have probably felt in a while.
and still all i can think is suicide suicide suicide.
i have the most important thing i want. the only thing that meanth naything. and al thats left is garabage.
i should learn to want something more maybe.
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"If you’re going through hell, keep going" |
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Lake
Member
7215 Posts |
Posted - 03 Jul 2012 : 8:31:55 PM
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| WALK IT OFF. |
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Lake
Member
7215 Posts |
Posted - 04 Jul 2012 : 01:45:23 AM
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So I started reading tarot about 6 months ago and 2 of my girlfriends are addicted to having me read their cards. They think I have a gift...
Dunno about that... |
Edited by - Lake on 04 Jul 2012 01:47:42 AM |
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AstralScream
Member
2742 Posts |
Posted - 04 Jul 2012 : 02:24:14 AM
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not all people are depressed when they think of suicide, even the ones who go through with it. So much goes on inside us, apart from our conscious awareness...I've suspected most of what I know about myself is just the tip of the iceberg.
sometimes I've went to bed feeling just fine and actually awakened the next morning suicidal for no apparent reason, not even remembering a dream that might be responsible. It's the hardest kind of "suicidality" to shake off, too. And there seems to be no reason for it at all.
I've recently been stuck on the idea of remembering more of my dreams in the hopes of finding "clues" into this strange occurrence...and then just in general to alleviate that feeling of being ignorant to my own inner workings. But, then nothing happens and the dream machine hides itself even more...because I'm trying so hard.
Maybe the dying you want has nothing to do with your body, lovemyth. it seems you're quite focused on physical things: having the house, eating right, etc. maybe it's not about that at all. the suicide idea might originate from something more primal - a need for freedom, escape from that wheel of constant "perpetuation" and maintenance you speak of...it might not be destruction to the body you're craving. It's a convenient symbol your subconscious can dredge up without much effort, though...especially if you've thought of it much before in the past. Thoughts reinforce themselves over time, and yes I think it is possible to "think" yourself into it over time. Positive reinforcement for certain unhelpful thoughts: think of suicide and then feel relief or comfort...that affects your brain! You might even be training yourself to think of it as an acceptable action in the future, when there is "nothing left". I am guilty of doing the same thing.
Seems like the world is looking smaller and less awe-inspiring, as if there's nothing new left to explore.
I always said I'd try running away before I killed myself haha. Total relocation: new life, new name, new job...leave old friends and family behind, leave no trace. that could be a "suicide" of sorts, without actually losing your life.
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Lake
Member
7215 Posts |
Posted - 04 Jul 2012 : 10:06:36 PM
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| Hospital all day. |
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Cytokine
Member
10134 Posts |
Posted - 04 Jul 2012 : 11:07:36 PM
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The people I know who are depressed either have wrong convictions or a wrong lifestyle. Rarely they are depressed because of life's circumstances beyond their control.
1w9 sp/sx Obsessive Compulsive
"Corpus omne perseverare in statu suo quiescendi vel movendi uniformiter in directum, nisi quatenus a viribus impressis cogitur statum illum mutare."
Isaacus Newtonus |
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Cytokine
Member
10134 Posts |
Posted - 05 Jul 2012 : 01:19:39 AM
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A bird entangled in the grass cannot fly. It must first be freed from its entanglement. In like manner we must be loosed from our entanglement to have freedom of life. Our entanglements are often of our own making. We build our own prisons; we shut ourselves up in our own cells. Circumstances can never long imprison us if our spirits are free. Has not someone written, "Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage"?
~C. W. Naylor, 1930
Day of Liberation
(Bergen-Belsen, May 1945)
We build our own prison walls,
but that day the doors fell open.
It was holiday time
In the death camp.
~Phillip Whitfield
We build our own prisons. The prisons we live in our products of our own choices. Many people live in prisons of bad health because we smoke, eat fried food and do not exercise. Good news if we built the prison we can tear the prison down.
The prison motif struck me as allegorical to what an artist goes through during the creative process in that we are imprisoned by the limits of our abilities, our concepts, our materials and techniques. But this is not necessarily stifling to creativity. The walls keep coming in, but they are walls of our own making. Artistic creativity isn't about freedom as much as it is about how much you can accomplish in a prison. "We all build our own prisons" - Leland Bell
' . . . we've explored the human imagination. Our minds give us the power to create and destroy. And the power to build our own walls of loneliness."
-William Shatner in 'Dagger of the Mind'
“I heard them talking to one another in murmurs and whispers. They talked about illness, money, shabby domestic cares. Their talk painted the walls of a dismal prison in which men had locked themselves up. And suddenly I had a vision of the face of destiny.”
~Antoine de Saint Exupery
"We are, each of us, our own prisoner. We are locked up in our own story."
~ (Maxine Kumin
"Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds."
~ Franklin D. Roosevelt
The charm of the Indian to me is that he stands free and unconstrained in Nature, is her inhabitant and not her guest, and wears her easily and gracefully. But the civilized man has the habits of the house. His house is a prison, in which he finds himself oppressed and confined, not sheltered and protected. He walks as if he sustained the roof; he carries his arms as if the walls would fall in and crush him, and his feet remember the cellar beneath. His muscles are never relaxed. It is rare that he overcomes the house, and learns to sit at home in it, and roof and floor and walls support themselves, as the sky and trees and earth. It is a great art to saunter.
~ Henry David Thoreau, Journal, Monday, April 26, 1841
Source
1w9 sp/sx Obsessive Compulsive
"Corpus omne perseverare in statu suo quiescendi vel movendi uniformiter in directum, nisi quatenus a viribus impressis cogitur statum illum mutare."
Isaacus Newtonus |
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RobinFalsehood
Member
USA
825 Posts |
Posted - 05 Jul 2012 : 7:48:17 PM
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| Beauty is just a 4 delusion.... |
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Cytokine
Member
10134 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jul 2012 : 07:17:09 AM
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Right now, I'm Ethan 1.0. There will be further versions. And I'm not just using software version numbers by accident, with every new version software does become better. But humans are often stuck with the same personality. I know 50 and 60-something y.o. that have never resolved their issues. That's the worst outcome for myself that I can imagine, which is why I'll make sure that my flaws are fixed over time.
1w9 sp/sx Obsessive Compulsive
"Corpus omne perseverare in statu suo quiescendi vel movendi uniformiter in directum, nisi quatenus a viribus impressis cogitur statum illum mutare."
Isaacus Newtonus |
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MH
Member
12309 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jul 2012 : 5:39:01 PM
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| People are dying from the heat. Ohio was declared in a state of emergency a week ago. 97 degrees. Holy hell on heels! Tomorrow it should be in the early 80s. What a reprive. I love the autumn. I want for september and october. Bought an awesome four man inflatable with a motor and oars today for fifteen bucks. If I could breathe without a fan Id be out already |
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sunny
Member
USA
9596 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jul 2012 : 6:55:27 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by May Hem
People are dying from the heat. Ohio was declared in a state of emergency a week ago. 97 degrees. Holy hell on heels! Tomorrow it should be in the early 80s. What a reprive. I love the autumn. I want for september and october. Bought an awesome four man inflatable with a motor and oars today for fifteen bucks. If I could breathe without a fan Id be out already
2 days ago it was ungodly hot. I hosed myself and my dogs down and we all went for a long walk dripping wet.
Today it's only 82 degrees, so it's 20+ degrees cooler than yesterday.
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MH
Member
12309 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jul 2012 : 7:01:34 PM
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| Sunny we had a bbq planned for today but because of the heat no one wanted to come so we rescheduled for tomorrow. Ive taken two ice cold reprives so far and am about to settle into a third bath after dinner is finished. Lydia is potty training atm and the dogs invaded her whale pool three times today..aha. Missing ac but I like the hot beach better. |
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Kate
Member
5994 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jul 2012 : 7:06:59 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Cytokine
The charm of the Indian to me is that he stands free and unconstrained in Nature, is her inhabitant and not her guest, and wears her easily and gracefully. But the civilized man has the habits of the house. His house is a prison, in which he finds himself oppressed and confined, not sheltered and protected. He walks as if he sustained the roof; he carries his arms as if the walls would fall in and crush him, and his feet remember the cellar beneath. His muscles are never relaxed. It is rare that he overcomes the house, and learns to sit at home in it, and roof and floor and walls support themselves, as the sky and trees and earth. It is a great art to saunter.
~ Henry David Thoreau, Journal, Monday, April 26, 1841
I love ^
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thomg
Member
1197 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jul 2012 : 05:22:45 AM
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While in his Walden phase, Thoreau had his mother deliver meals to him.
What an overrated duuche. |
Edited by - thomg on 09 Jul 2012 05:23:19 AM |
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Lake
Member
7215 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jul 2012 : 06:39:58 AM
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Can I still be a 9 if I've had issues with insomnia my whole life?
Oh, the red-eyed irony. |
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Lake
Member
7215 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jul 2012 : 07:44:16 AM
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Insomnia-cha-cha.
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Share Your 'Stream of Consciousness' Thread
