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Originally posted by eidbuser

thanks savory.

where are you in your self-typing? 4 or 9? i'm curious about your inner experience is of this, and how you differentiate the two for yourself. i don't have a particular investment in seeing you one way or the other. i ask mostly because i can relate to you and see a similarity between us as far as "vibes" go. I think 4 and 9 are the two dominant airs for us.

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Originally posted by eidbuser

Wayfarer, you're blowing my mind a bit these days. I want to say something about what you've said, but I'm also listening to the helen palmer tapes that carlos posted. She's saying stuff about the 9 that is hitting home and really making me realize deep, fundamental things about myself.

But as for yourself... you seem to have grown a lot. I think that with the skills you've developed, you now have a pretty keen understanding and insight about others. I feel like you will be able to deeply help others with this gift.

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Originally posted by dusty



Very very soft if we must go that route.

On one of the couple dates I've been on with women this girl decided not to go out with me anymore, she said "I thought you were butch but you're not", and I'm thinking "why would you think that?" and then I'm thinking "well I am but I'm not". I gender hop, or I'm just always very male and very female.

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I'm in a sort of strange place myself, and I feel very guilty about it. I'm 23 years old. I've been "soul searching" for a long time; since I was 16 or 17. I flunked out of my senior year of high school on purpose and got my G.E.D. Stayed at home doing nothing except learning about spirituality (as well as being lovesick). I started going to college when I was 19, even though I never really wanted to go to college in the first place. I failed my first semester, then took another year off where I went to China with my father for a little while. Hated it. Then I went to California to be at a buddhist monastery for a month, taking classes there and "volunteering" on their farm which I never actually did, except for maybe one or two days. I stayed in my room for most of the time, reading books or being on the computer.

Then I went back to the college I failed my first semester at as a part time student. So I guess I've been a part time student for the past 3 years, and still not getting very good grades. I've never done well in school, ever since the 4th grade. I've always just managed to get by with the lowest grades and by going to summer school. I could ace quizes and tests and get As without ever doing any homework. It was easy, but I hated it, and I hated most of the other kids, and felt pretty tortured by it for some reason. I guess I've always been a troubled kid. And I've never really liked life all that much.

So the persistent pattern in my life seems to be a pervasive slacker attitude. Not really liking anything, and just barely getting by because I have to. I finally flunked out of college last fall and got suspended. I started feeling suicidal being in school, and so it seemed like the best option at the time to leave, even though I screwed myself over. I seem to have an unconscious self-sabotaging and/or suicidal mechanism that doesn't really give a damn about the consequences or my life.

Since January I've said that I'd be looking for a job, which I've put very little effort into. I've been a huge procrastinator. I'm full of fear. I don't have much motivation for anything. I don't have much passion for being alive.

The main forces of my life are spirituality and romantic desire. I spend most of my time despairing over loneliness and the lack of a soul mate in my life. Either that, or I'm focusing on spirituality, the longing for spirit. In a certain way, I'm looking for salvation and redemption from existence. Life seems meaningless without a soulmate or without "god." I think this is my main struggle. I don't see much of a point in being alive, and I'm mostly just trying to escape from life. I'm trying to regain some lost light; and I don't feel I can live without it.

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Originally posted by thomg

gray, this 'unconscious 3-ness of the 9' trope seems to really be on your mind of late.

Could I ask - what do see as the consequences of that for DOD/DOI for 9, and p'raps the other attachment types?

I'm still hip to R&H's (or whoever originated it) DOD/DOI stuff. They also have the lite version, where, say, medium stressors will cause a 9 to get 6-ish, and in comfort zones (whatever those might be) 9s can be 3-ish. So there's also 'average health' connecting lines.

So I'm merging the latter with Maitri's 'soul child' concept, which would have 9s born as 'fallen 3s'...as if they're genetically (not literally genetically) a 3 with some bit of genetic material pulled from them, rendering a crippled 3, in some sense.

My history makes the 3 stuff apparent (at this point, looking back [and in front]) but I don't think it's all that difficult to see 3-ness even in the pocket-protector sx-last 9w1s, for example.

All 9s are passive 3s...like all 5s are passive 8s....and all 4s are passive Ones.


I mean, I thought the logic for triadic integration was like they're really blocked, like they really need to take a big dump, and then when it happens they just have a big eureka moment, or poo birth, and it all comes thundering out ... whereas for the more individuated 1/7 types it's more back and forth, taking on bits and bobs from DOD and DOI???

Yeah, that differentiation between the Triangle People and the rest seems intuitively true, though I can't tell if I'm imagining that it's intuitively true. :)


I can't believe I just said poo birth.

Don't worry, it's a good thing.

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Originally posted by dusty

you're such a dork.

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Originally posted by eidbuser

I'm still living off my parent's money, as I procrastinate. I got a surprise phone call today from whole foods though, after 3 months, and I've got an interview tomorrow. So that inspired me a little more to get back into my job search. It brought in a light of hope and mercy that I felt today.

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Originally posted by dfgray44

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Originally posted by dusty

you're such a dork.

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That's weird, I don't self-type that way but I understand people have different impressions based on internet exchanges.

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Originally posted by Stormy



What made you change your self-type?
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- [Stormy]

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Originally posted by eidbuser

Actually, after listening to the Helen Palmer tapes... 4 resonates so much more strongly with me than 9 did. Although there are key parts in 9 that illuminated things about my nature, 9 as an entire gestalt doesn't strike a chord within me.

An interesting thing for me right now is to combine these descriptions. I feel like seeing myself as just a 9 is highly arbitrary and deeply inaccurate. If anything, trifix is becoming more and more important to me. Viewing myself within an entire gestalt. Although, even without the head fix, it seems that the two most significant aspects of my psyche are 4 and 9. Seeing myself as perfect combination between these types is what I get the most benefit out of. They are both such strong aspects of my nature that I can't exclude one or the other.

My life seems to be a combination of emotional suffering, romantic longing, sloth, lack of individuation, and isolation. It gives me the greatest overall perspective and self-understanding when I view myself in this totality. It's when I can really work on my issues - when I'm not artificially dividing myself into pieces and trying to shove myself into the boxes that I don't fit in.... trying to fit different pieces of myself into the wrong boxes.

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