Enneagram Type Two (the Helper) with Enneagram Type Nine (the Peacemaker)

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship

Enneagram Twos and Nines are similar in a wide variety of areas and reactions; both types are interested in nurturing others and in helping people to be better, more comfortable with themselves, and more at peace. Both types also tend to be optimistic and to reframe disappointments in the most positive way possible. This pairing has an outstanding warm, kindly, and good-natured quality about it that each side reinforces. Twos and Nines are easy-going, hospitable, and undemanding, happy to make friends happy and to welcome them into their home. Twos bring to the pair a more outward and interpersonally engaging energy: they would most likely be the first to introduce themselves at a party or to go to someone’s aid and comfort if they perceived that the other person had some kind of problem. Twos are proud of their relationship, their home, their family and their friends—and they want to share them with others. Twos constantly add energy and new people to the relationship mix. They are more talkative than Nines and more openly curious about other people, how they live and what they are like, and more eager to get involved in others’ lives.

On the other hand, Nines bring a quiet steadiness and uncomplicated directness that allows people to flourish and things to get done with a minimum of stress and conflict. Even if Twos become upset about their relationships, or are feeling moments of self-doubt about how loved they are, Nines have a way of calming them down and of providing a great deal of unquestioned acceptance. Both types are drawn to each other to provide soothing and support; their home and hearth, pets and love of nature are extremely important to them. Both go out of their way to be considerate of each other, as well as of other people. Much of their best communication is non-verbal, physical, arising from their simple, direct presence to each other. They can develop almost a psychic link with each other. This is a very mellow couple, whose emphasis on hospitality reminds people of how healing it is to be around loving, generous people.

Potential Trouble Spots or Issues

Both Twos and Nines tend to give away their power and to go along with the agendas of others. Yet, one of the parties will have to wear the pants in the family, taking charge and making decisions. Doing so goes against the grain of both types, although either will take charge if necessary. However, negotiating power and decision making in a Two/Nine couple puts both parties under increasing stress and both tend to feel that they are being forced into the bad guy role in the family—and that they will be resented and unloved while their partner gets off the hook.

Further, neither finds it easy to talk about their feelings or their growing discontent with the power balance in the relationship, or with any other sources of resentment and potential conflicts that they may have. Twos tend to actually take over too much, becoming domineering and controlling, not hesitating to boss the Nine around and to speak with surprising harshness to him or her. But because Twos can rationalize their motives and see themselves only as all loving, they can continue without feeling guilty or embarrassed.

Nines find it difficult to find their own voice and to speak up for themselves. But when the Nine actually does speak up, the Two often takes this as a lack of gratitude and tries to turn the Nine’s comments around on them. Twos are not good at taking criticism, and when Nines find the courage to speak up, they may go overboard with a load of old resentments that have pilled up. The result is that Nines withdraw into silence and become passive-aggressive as a way of dealing with their anger, while Twos feel unappreciated, misunderstood, and rejected. Both try to keep everything quiet and normal on the surface, although they begin to deteriorate into longer silences with each other-and more distance, including less physical contact. An air of tension takes over, punctuated by angry outbursts and recriminations. The couple that seems so unassuming and supportive tends to end through attrition and drifting apart. Nobody wants to talk about what has really happened, no body wants to take responsibility for the deterioration of the relationship, and things eventually simply fall apart.

For further understanding about this type combination, read more about the Stress Arrow and how types Two and Nine behave when they are moving along it.