Enneagram Type Five (the Investigator)
Enneagram Type Five (the Investigator)
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
As with all double-type relationships, two Enneagram Fives generally bring the same qualities to each other. Therein lies both a main source of the attraction as well as one of the main pitfalls. Thus, the Level of health of each person is especially important for these types of relationships as are their dominant instincts. To a Five, another Five is virtually his or her idea of the perfect companion: well informed, intellectually stimulating, independent, imaginative, quiet (unless it's about subjects of mutual interest), fact oriented (as opposed to being utterly emotional and subjective), non-intrusive, and always ready for a good debate or a good movie. Since they do not wish to be controlled in any way, or even for people to know too much about them, Fives give a great deal of personal and emotional space to each other. It may be weeks or even months before they both see the insides of each other's homes. They value tactfulness and would never knowingly put people on the spot for personal information or make personal demands on anyone for favors. Distance, respect, courtesy, good boundaries, few demands (and no expectations), are hallmarks of a double Five pairing. Of course, Fives can be curious about each other and their private lives, but there is a great deal of reticence to take the initiative where personal matters are at stake.
Some Fives are more forward socially but their experience is somewhat like the mating of shy and prickly animals: unless the other finds a way to hold on to the Five, the Five is soon off again. Two Fives, as a pair, they must learn quickly how to balance the independence they require with the degree of intimacy and personal sharing and self-disclosure required to establish a meaningful relationship. In most cases, this takes a while, although once Fives have found someone with whom they feel comfortable, they can become quickly (but still secretly) attached. Long silences and breaks are punctuated by intense bursts of communication. The meeting of minds does not have to be full of words.
Potential Trouble Spots or Issues
Double Five pairing can suffer from over-intellectualizing their relationship, approaching each other analytically rather than as someone to be felt or identified with in a more emotional and subjective way. They also tend to compartmentalize their life together (just as they do their own lives), drawing boundaries around your world and my world. Both parties can begin to become secretive and to lead something of a double life, consciously withholding information about themselves and their activities from the other out of the fear of being engulfed by them, and from a deep-seated resistance to sharing themselves or merging with someone. Double Five pairs can also become argumentative and competitive, getting into a pattern of intellectual bickering over fine points and (ultimately trivial) details. But since intellectual prowess is so highly prized in Fives, there may be one or more areas in which competitiveness and intellectual showing off at the expense of the other begins to take place.
The main problem for most double Five pairs is too much emotional distance and reticence to express oneself which can erode intimacy. They each become too private and run the risk of becoming isolated from each other. They can deteriorate into a professional association connected by respect for the other's competency and other positive qualities, but any emotional connection may eventually get lost—if it ever was established in the first place. A kind of dryness and indifference about the possibility of finding a satisfactory rapport comes over them, and eventually even a final cutting off of all wanting of such a thing. Fives can drift apart, burying themselves ever more deeply in their work or their intellectual hobbies while still living together. Eventually, both Fives live without any hope or expectation that the other could break through to them, or that they would ever want to break out of their own detached shell. Couples such as this can deteriorate into eccentric recluses, cut off from themselves and from the world around them.